This may well be one of the most important questions in one’s life. And sadly, it is not a question that we can discuss easily outside of our “consumer driven” culture.
The temptation is, for example, to associate buying and using luxury items with living well. Like handing off your Lambo to the concierge at the Hotel de Paris in Monte Carlo. Is that it? As tempting as these items and experiences with them can be, methinks not. We are easily seduced by things, but no matter how delightful and sumptuous things may be, they get boring over time.
So what do I mean by living well?
It is a set of factors that when combined max out what we can get from life. Not just pleasure. As the great Kahneman pointed out long ago, pleasure is ephemeral. And experiencing pleasure does not correlate with enhanced happiness beyond the given moment. Indeed, our memory of peak experiences seems to be more important than the experiences themselves.
What is the value of pleasure? It opens our minds to new experiences. Indeed, Steve Johnson argues that our inventive impulses start with an idea for bringing pleasure to fruition., like carving a bone into a flute. Johnson makes this audacious statement at the end of the fun video below “You’ll find the future wherever people are having the most fun.”
We could talk about this a lot, but for purposes of this post, I am more interested in the limits of what we can get from pursuing pleasure.
So while I would include the pursuit of pleasure in my good life quest, I would not equate maxing out pleasure with maxing out satisfaction and meaning with the lives we can lead. We can think of this as a “measure of pleasure” AND other stuff.
So what is the other stuff?
The start with understanding something about life. We do not lead great lives in mechanical ways. There is no “secret sauce”. No “magic bullet”. No “key”. You cannot buy it off the shelf. Nor can you buy it as a bespoke item. There is just what we make of the opportunities that present themselves and that we nurture. In other words, we all experience great meaning and satisfaction in our own ways. The path to understanding this is what our personal identities are all about.
And so, a few of us may experience intense pleasure while hanging by one hand from a ledge on a cliff in bitter cold weather. They call it “mountain climbing” and are passionate about it. It is not for me, but I do not begrudge these folks their passion.
So maxing out what we can get from life has quite a lot to do with discovering what floats your boat, which in turn relates to who you are. Your identity. Not who your parents wants you to be, but who you want to be.
Not just that, we experience it in a growth path — or more simply — as part of a story. The story or context is where we find meaning and satisfaction. And so, our ability to max out satisfaction and meaning is highly dependent on our capacity to see and live in great context or stories.
There is more. One aspect of our living in this way is maxing out our physical well being. Not just “health” as in avoiding illness. But maxing out our energy, feeling of connection, and ability to move forward in tuen with opportunities.
There is more Another aspect of our living in this way is nurturing great relationships. Relationships where we can grow with people we care about. This need not be based on infatuation. Nor ego gratification by connecting to people who we perceive are “higher up” the social ladder. But based on people we care about for whatever reason.
There is more. As “connection” opens the door to growth, we also need to connect with our environment. Not just nature. But the environment in our locales. Our communities. Our ecologies where people live together. This is a learning experience where we master what owe can achieve together over time.
So we have identity issues. We have growth issues. We have well being issues. We have relationship issues. And we have ecology issues. These all come together in iterative fashion when we consider how well we are living.
So we return to the question at hand. How much are we investing in maxing out these factors to enable us to thrive in the knowledge era? That is, btw, the era where we have the opportunity to take control of our life stories in ways never before dreamed of.
Food for thought.