Category Archives: humor

A bit of Humor: What the Wife did

I hesitated for a moment before posting this but felt in the end that I could do so as long as I note that I do take the wife’s side in this exchange.

From Steve

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.

An Old Art Form!

From Steve

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”

The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; let’s hear the good news first.”

The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.”

Saul replied enthusiastically, “Well done!  My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!  You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”

The lawyer replied, “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”

Coping with the Zoo in the House

Thanks to Steve for this tidbit

My wife and I were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner and theater evening. I flipped on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. My wife then phoned the local taxi company and requested a cab. The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. Life was beautiful.

As we walked out the door, the cat scooted back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot. My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Cats can be annoying.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. “He’s just going upstairs to say good-night to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long”, I said, as we drove away. “You won’t believe it. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But the good news is that  it worked, so I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard. She’d better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

It was odd, but as we drove along, the silence in the taxi was just deafening.