Category Archives: humor

Coping with the Zoo in the House

Thanks to Steve for this tidbit

My wife and I were dressed and ready to go out for a dinner and theater evening. I flipped on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered their pet parrot and put the cat in the backyard. My wife then phoned the local taxi company and requested a cab. The taxi arrived, and we opened the front door to leave the house. Life was beautiful.

As we walked out the door, the cat scooted back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to get at the parrot. My wife walked on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Cats can be annoying.

Waiting in the cab, my wife didn’t want the driver to know that the house would be empty for the night, so she explained to the taxi driver that I would be out soon. “He’s just going upstairs to say good-night to my mother.”

A few minutes later, I got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long”, I said, as we drove away. “You won’t believe it. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But the good news is that  it worked, so I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the backyard. She’d better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

It was odd, but as we drove along, the silence in the taxi was just deafening.

Ooops!

Books: From Woody Allen’s “Getting Even”

It is not well remembered that Woody Allen started his career in the 1950’s as a writer –   he only started doing his own comedy in 1964. From his wiki bio

Allen started writing short stories and cartoon captions for magazines such as The New Yorker; he was inspired by the tradition of New Yorker humorists S. J. Perelman, George S. Kaufman, Robert Benchley and Max Shulman, whose material he modernized.[35][36][37][38][39] Allen has published four collections of his short pieces and plays.[40][41] These are Getting Even, Without Feathers, Side Effects, and Mere Anarchy. His early comic fiction was heavily influenced by the zany, pun-ridden humour of S.J. Perelman. In 2010, Allen released digital spoken word versions of his four books, in which he reads 73 short story selections from his work and for which he was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album.[42]In 1971, he published a collection of short bits called “Getting Even”.  Most of these pieces first appeared in the New Yorker.

His piece on Organized Crime in Getting Even starts this way

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over 30 billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Reliable sources indicate that the Cosa Nostra laid out no more than six thousand dollars for personalized stationary, and even less for staples. Furthermore, they have one secretary who does all the typing, and only three small rooms for headquarters, which they share with the Fred Perskey Dance Studio.

The standard dynamic that Woody uses for his comedy jumps out at yo. There is on the one side a huge and famous thing – in this case, mafia. There is on the other side, the petty demands of getting along in real life. Real life wins all the time. But the huge egos playing on the serious side never admit it.

Bravo! My question — why did Woody give up on this? Did he get bored with his routine? It was not the real him, and perhaps he gave in to the desire to be taken seriously for “who he really is”. Too bad for us. He was one of the most brilliant comedians of his era.

 

Meet Eddy Izzard, the Transvestite Comedian

Eddy Izzard is one of the more unusual people around. Consider this from The Independent

Comedian Eddie Izzard has revealed that the abuse he receives in the street for being a transvestite has got so bad that he has resorted to physically fighting off assailants.

Izzard, 52, said the verbal assaults he has endured from members of the public had toughened him up for the world of politics, as he prepares to run for Mayor of London in 2020.

7-Izzard-Rex.jpg

Ok. I can imagine a lot of folks rolling their eyes and tuning out. But check out his stand up routine.

Dad. Where did I come from?

Very funny from Steve

A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom

and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.

There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload.

We discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,

and since it was too late to hit the delete button,

nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that

Said:

]

‘You got

Male!