Do You Narc in Or Narc Out?

Narcissism has never been an attitude that one boasted about. Narcissists are not, after all, team players. In the end, everything is about themselves.  Remember Narcissus!

Psychologists tell us that this can lead to some rather anti-social behavior. Some narcissists may have a tendency to put others down to make themselves feel better.

So do we check the Narcs out of the balloon? Not so fast! Consider, for a moment, that a good many, if not all of the great artists of the world have had a touch of narcissism. And some, Oscar Wilde comes to mind, had far more than a touch. Do we toss these folks out of the balloon along with the rest?

I think not. Self-love is in fact something that we all must nurture. The question is not then whether we love ourselves. We do. More than we will admit.The question is what do we love about ourselves?

This takes me to narcing “in” versus narcing “out”. When we love who we are, we narc in. We defend what we claim as our own. When we love what we can do, we narc out. We love how we connect beyond the self.

So do you narc out? Rock on dude!

Trouble in Restaurant Paradise?

Very funny – from Eater

You’re sitting in a restaurant hungry as hell. You’ve placed your order and your app has finally arrived. Suddenly the waiter bounds up to the table just as you’re taking your first bite. “How are you liking that?” he asks eagerly, putting his hand on your shoulder. You set the fork down, and then in spite of an impulse to be sassy, say exactly what politeness prompts you to say: “Yes, it’s delicious.” A few minutes later the service captain rolls up and enthuses, “Isn’t that wonderful! That’s my favorite appetizer,” pointing at your plate as if he’s going to scoop up the remainder and eat it himself. Do you have to agree it’s wonderful? You decide to simply nod. A few minutes later as the busboy comes to clear the plate, he, too, asks, “How did you like it?”

Still, if I had my choice, the above would be preferable to sitting at a table watching a sullen waiter watch you from across the floor without lifting a finger while you just wait and wait for the promised meal.

A Great Story about … Belarus

It starts like this

With Riga in the rearview mirror, the bus plods north. Latvia’s flat pine forests flash past under low grey clouds, but Oleg Kuryan, seated towards the back, is interested in neither. Right now, he’s in crisis mode.

Click here if you want to read more from Wired!

Larry David and The Major League “Ooops!” Files

I am not sure why, but I have been on a Larry David jag recently.

I can’t get his “Curb Your Enthusiasm” episodes out of my mind. I also started watching some interviews he did and one he did with Ricky Gervais about his work. I was looking for what makes him tick. What is his comedy all about?

Larry himself says it is about honesty. He carries a notebook around and when he experiences something where life demands a less than an honest reaction, he jots it down. Later on, he works with that experience to unleash something that would be totally honest — as crazy as the honesty might make things turn out.  That translates into what looks like a major league “oops” moment. Like when he gets into a fight with Ted Danson over whether Ted can buy him a piece of pie and a physical take down fight with Rosie O’Donnell over who will pay the check.

But sometimes real  life provides these major league oops moments without any help at all. And today there were two incredible oops moments.

Like the super yacht hitting a reef and capsizing off Mykonos

Oops! Said the captain.

And even better there is the young Taiwanese boy who tripped in front of a priceless painting and put his fist through it on the way down.  I love how he stands there afterwards looking at it having no idea what to do.

The realities there offer such possibilities for Larry Allen to work with!

Great Lawyering!

One experiences odd things in court. Like this exchange

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

Or how about this one

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

Oops!

Up Yours, Cyber bullies!

As a person who uses the web a lot, and who believes in the power of the web to inspire and empower people, let alone connect us all, I paid pretty close attention to Monika Lewinsky’s TED talk. And I have had a few conversations about it via e mail and telephone.

And I think those conversations should go further! Here is a link to my blog post on the issue.  If you agree that cyber bullying and shaming are problems, spread the word! Post on it, tweet on it, reblog this. Whatever! But let’s speak up in order to denounce this pattern of behavior!

We can’t let the bullies win!

How to Listen in One Easy Lesson

I read a lot of articles from business journals, and I will confess that i times I get a bit frustrated. Like by this article from HBR entitled

How to Really Listen to Your Employees

Notice that this is not how to fake listening, but how to “really” listen! Hmmm … I have been a boss and I know what this is all about. Let’s be “really” honest here. Sometimes it is important for bosses just to pretend to listen. To fake it. You have to give the appearance of being taken in by whatever is on offer, no matter how stupid or fraudulent it may be, so that the employee doesn’t start a rebellion or worse. Now that is a challenge!

But the article does not offer a way to address of this demanding challenge. It focuses like a laser on what to do if you want to really listen. Well, is it really so hard? I hate to break it to HBR, but it is not. Just shut yur gob.  Do you need this advice?

“As a leader, you need to have a strong voice and you need to know when it’s time to listen,” says Amy Jen Su, co-owner of Paravis Partners, an executive training and coaching firm.  “A real conversation is a two-way dialogue; it requires both parts.”

But, you might wonder, “how to do this?” The article offers this sage advice. “Make it a priority.” hmmm … perhaps the last bit of advice is the most useful “Control Your Reactions”. You know you want to make faces and break out laughing. But you must learn to smile and say “What an interesting idea.!”

Heehee, just kidding!

 

Help! I’s Stranded in JLo’s Apartment!

My sister has a very neat house. When I go there, I am on my guard that I do not make fingerprints on the walls or leave the bathroom a mess. And I confess that at times, i have nightmares about this. They are about what happens after I try to conceal a mess that I made (like spilling a cappuccino on the beige carpet).  Sis is on her way home and will be there soon. What to do! !!!!

That is why I got a reaction to this photo

It is JLo’s pad in New York. Help!